当写下快乐这个标题的时候， 我就知道自己不快乐。不然， 为什么要写呢？

 

人们总是把快乐当作理所当然，对痛苦和平庸感慨和抱怨。

 

没有人告诉我们生活一定是快乐的。 每一个人的快乐又都不一样。可又是人人都在追求快乐，追求所谓的快乐。我再次看到学校周围的学生，他们看起来很单纯，至少比我一年以前看起来单纯和快乐。有多少人是看起来很快乐， 有多少人在告诉自己要看起来快乐。

 

回到学习的地方，感觉这里的生活已经不是我的生活了，也许这样可以更好的说服自己对新环境应该满足和投入。仿佛写到这里开始感到有点轻松了。 生活的轻与重，乐与苦，全在你感觉自己是否可以承受和担当。但是又有多少人知道自己承受的极限呢？

 

 

 

 

 

I came back to Minneapolis. Staying with some old friends, we went out for restaurants, movies and shopping in Mall of America.

 

During the day times I was  sitting in the Dunn Bros coffee shop, like in the last 5 years.  After being away for 9 months and coming back to look at this place, I figure out something different. Trivial things of this place and people here, more laying back kind of feelings.

 

Once again it's a feeling of alien floating around as I first came here for school except less excitment, mixed with the famililarily and memories from living here for 5 years, a quite significant  portion of one's youth life. Still, I don't know this place well enough to feel the sense of belonging, while still it has been my  fist stop in a different country.

 

Chating with friends from school, who are graduating sooner or later. 5 - 6 years of graduate school makes people sick, sick of stucking at school, sick of being in one place of long winters, and sick of no new stimulations. Probably it's more the sickness of the vasperation of the American dreams and peer school friends leaving.

 

How come what people around us are doing is more like a show going on? How come we eventually figure out we are not Americans while is drifting further away from our own culture? How come we are hesitating between going back to our own country and staying in America? And graduation, that's even a problem. 

 

Sick of all the hesitations, illusions and excitments other friends seem to have elsewhere. What do we want out of life seems to be a good question to ask, or it's a question whose answer becomes vaguer and vaguer, that we start to be tired of the process of exploration.

 

But there's seem to be hope, the hope of things will be better, hope that you can eventually reach some point that we'll be enlightened.

 

Seem I still haven't figure out about my job. Seem it is not as excited as I wanted, or as I expected after graduation. Is that if I could find a better job that's gonna change my life? Is that I change to another place is gonna change my life? What if I just find a job and go back China, is that gonna be any better?

 

The excitment of a new place is like what a new toy brings to us. But someday you'll be tired of it, no matter how fancy it is. That is maybe the life span of an excitment. After it's gone, what's next? So we look for something that could bring us an excitment that would last longer, hopefully longer than one's own life span if we are lucky enough.

 

Is it that if you are doing something can fill the emptiness inside of you. Alianation, I feel it eveywhere, when I sit in the coffee shops, no matter San Francisco, Minneapolis, Airports, or in Wuhu, in Shanghai, in Japan. Is that a process that one starts to lock himself up, lock something inside that nobody can see.